Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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