Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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