Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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