Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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