Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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