Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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