Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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