Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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