Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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