Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Which search engine is popular amongst mice?

Ask Cheese.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did Lil Wayne go to the Doctor?

He was feeling a Lil Weezy

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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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