Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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