Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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