Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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