Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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