Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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