Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.

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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.

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