Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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