Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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