Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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