Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three, One to climb the ladder. One to shake it. And one to sue the ladder company.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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