Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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