Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)

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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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