Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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