Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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