Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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