Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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