Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the Blonde stare at the Orange Juice carton?

Because it said CONCENTRATE.
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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