Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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