Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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