Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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