Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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