Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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