Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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