Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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