Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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