Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."

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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!

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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board

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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan

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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

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