Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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