Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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