Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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