Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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