Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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