Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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