Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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