Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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