Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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