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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?
Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?
Alley cats.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What did the dog say to the flea?
Stop bugging me
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What has three letters and starts with gas?
A car
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!
You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?
Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.
It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.
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