Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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