Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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