Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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