Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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