Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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