Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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