Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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