Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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