Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do basketball players and babies have in common?

They both dribble.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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