Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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