Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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