Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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