Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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