Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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