Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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