Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.

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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison

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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.

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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.

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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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