Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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