Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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