Why did the girl throw the butter out the window?

She wanted to see a butterfly.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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