Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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