Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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