Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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