Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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