Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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