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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Where can you find a good lawyer?
In the cemetery
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?
Root position cords.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?
Make sure one is a match!
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What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
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Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?
I'm going out tonight!
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?
Her New Jersey.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?
Donald Trump.
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