Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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