Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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