Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.

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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.

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