Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.

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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!

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