Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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