Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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