Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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