Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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