Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.

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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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