Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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