Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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