Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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