Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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