Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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