Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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