Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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