Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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