Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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