Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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