Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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