Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What clothes does a house wear?

Address.
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