Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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