Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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