Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the light bulb say to its mother?

I wuv you watts and watts.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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