Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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