Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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