Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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