Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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