Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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