Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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