Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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