Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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