Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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What do you give a lemon in distress?

Lemonade.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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