Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish

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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.

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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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