Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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