Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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