Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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