Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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