Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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