Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

First they have to agree on which is better; the analog bulb or a digital bulb.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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