Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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