Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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