Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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