Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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