Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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