Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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