Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.

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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.

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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!

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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!

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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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