Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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