Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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