Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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