Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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