Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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