Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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