Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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