Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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