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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?
As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.
It's Hans free.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?
Drinking.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.
I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?
Snow balls!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.
So I went - and I got it.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.
It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?
A road hog.
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