Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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