Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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