Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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