It wanted to be a watermelon.
or
He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.
Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
or
A ruler.
or
A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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By relocating it to a casino!
or