Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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