Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

Wet.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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