Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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