Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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