Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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