Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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