Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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