Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How do they serve smart hamburgers?

On honor rolls.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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