Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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