Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What kind of shoes do bannanas make?

Slippers!
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A seal walks into a club...
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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