Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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