Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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