Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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