Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".

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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.

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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.

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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How do Eskimos make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

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