Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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