Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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