Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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