Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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