Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What did one eye say to the other?

Between you and me, something smells.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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