Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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