Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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