Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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