Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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