Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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