Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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