Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.

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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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