Why did the melon jump into the lake?

It wanted to be a watermelon.
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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