Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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