Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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