Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Where can you find a good lawyer?

In the cemetery
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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