Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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