Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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