Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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