Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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