Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?

Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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