Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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