Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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