Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What makes music on your hair?

A head band!

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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What is the chemical formula for "banana"?

BaNa2
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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