Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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