Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Some people believe that becoming a vegitarian is just a mistake...

A Missed-steak.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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