Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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