Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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