Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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