Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

The fish.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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