Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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When do you go on red and stop on green?

When you are eating a watermelon.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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