Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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