Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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