Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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