Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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