Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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