Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Clowns divorce:

custardy battle.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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