Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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