Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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