Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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