Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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Ah, I had a great boomerang joke...

It'll come back to me.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What's 182 feet tall and made out of pepperoni and cheese?

The leaning tower of Pizza.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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