Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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