Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.

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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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