Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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How many does it take to screw in a light bulb?

10. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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