Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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