Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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