Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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