Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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