Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is a ghost's favorite pie?

Booberry pie!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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