Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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