Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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