Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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