Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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