Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?

A stick.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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