Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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