Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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