Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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