Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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