Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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