Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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