Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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