Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh

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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!

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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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