Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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