Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What is a shark's favorite sandwich?

Peanut butter and jellyfish.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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