Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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