Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a leech?

After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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