Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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