Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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