Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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