Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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How many Anglicans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A whole synod. One to move that the bulb be changed while the others debate until the room spins.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang

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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.

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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.

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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!


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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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