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Why did the opera singer go sailing?
Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?
It was in a pickle!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?
Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?
A dead centipede.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?
A hush puppy.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?
The Trump Card
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What are lawyers good for?
They make used car salesmen look good.
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