Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.

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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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