Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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