Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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