Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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