Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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