Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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