Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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