Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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