Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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