Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What 7 letters did Lizzy say when she opened the refrigerator and found it empty?

O I C U R M T
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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