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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?
To get his filling!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?
None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?
[A Condesending con descending]
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?
"Feel the World."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?
A goat.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?
A porcupine with split ends
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Why don't bears wear shoes?
What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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