Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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