Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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