Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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