Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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