Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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