Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho cheese.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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