Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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