Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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