Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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