Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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