Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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What did Delaware?

A New Jersey.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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