Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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