Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many ``pro-lifers'' does it take to change a light bulb?

6: 2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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