Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Where do horses live?

In the neigh-borhood.
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