Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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