Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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