Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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