Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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