Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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