Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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