Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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