Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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