Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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