Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What robs you while you're in the bathtub?

A robber ducky.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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