Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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