Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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