Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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