Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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