Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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