Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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