Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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