Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Why was the baseball game so hot?

Because all the fans left!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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