Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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