Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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