Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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