Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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