Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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