Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many lawyer jokes are there?

Only three. The rest are true stories.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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