Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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