Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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