Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did the painter say to the wall?

I got you covered.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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