Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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