Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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