Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do camels use to hide themselves?

Camelflauge
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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