Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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