Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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"Dyslexic man walks into a bra"
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How do you know when its Michael Jacksons bed time ?

When the big hand touches the little hand
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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