Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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