Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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