Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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Why did the basketball player bring his suitcase to his game?

Because he traveled a lot.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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