Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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