Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There never was any light bulb.

Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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