Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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