Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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