Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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