Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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