Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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