Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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