Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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