Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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