Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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