Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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