Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Whats the difference between Terrorists and Accordion players?

Terrorists have sympathizers

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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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