Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What did Jay-z call his wife before they got married?

Feyonce

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