Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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