Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Three people were in a boat. They all fell off. Only two people ended up with wet hair. Why didn't the other person's hair get wet?

Because he was bald!
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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