Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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