Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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