Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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