Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.

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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!

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