Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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