Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.
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