Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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