Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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