Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What room does a ghost not need?

A living room!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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