Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why was the sand wet?

Because the sea weed
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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