Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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