Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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