Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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