Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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