Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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