Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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