Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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