Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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When can't you see a cheese?

When it's pasteurised...
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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How does a bird with a broken wing manage to land safely?

With its sparrowchute.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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