Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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