Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What is the difference between a locomotive engineer and a teacher?

One minds the train, one trains the mind.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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