Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness® as the industry standard.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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