Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How do you fix a broken brass instrument?

With a Tuba glue.

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