Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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