Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did the sardine call the submarine?

A can of people.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The darkness will cause the bulb to change by itself.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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