Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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