Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How can you get four suits for a dollar?


Buy a deck of cards.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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