Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Can you say Richard and Robert had a rabbit without using the "r" sound?

Sure, Dick and Bob had a bunny!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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