Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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