Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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