Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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