Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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