Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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