Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin!
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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