Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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