Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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