Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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