Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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