Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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