Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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