Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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