Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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