Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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