Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?

Not enough sand.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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