Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?

Squash
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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