Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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