Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?

I don't know. There are some things even a blonde won't do.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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