Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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