Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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