Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How do you handle dangerous cheese?

Caerphilly.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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