Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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