Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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