Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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