Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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