Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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