Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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