Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What's the difference between a mosquito and a lawyer?

One is a blood-sucking parasite, the other is an insect.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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