Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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