Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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