Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?

An offer you can't understand
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