Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?

An envelope.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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