Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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