Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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