Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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