Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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