Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why can't you compare Donald Trump to cancer?

Because sometimes you can get rid of cancer.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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