Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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