Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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