Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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