Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Why did the belt go to jail?

It held up a pair of pants.
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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