Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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There are 10 kinds of people in the world.

Those who read binary and those who don't.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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