Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?

The players dribble a lot.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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