Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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