Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."

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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.

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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .

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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.

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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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