Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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