Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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