Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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