Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.
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