Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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That girl said she knew me from the vegitarian club,

but I'd never seen herbivore [her before]
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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