Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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