Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What's the best parting gift?

A comb.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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