Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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