Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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What goes up and down but never moves?

Stairs.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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