Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?

One.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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