Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How can you tell that a train just went by?

It left its tracks.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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