Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is always hot in the refrigerator?

Chili
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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