Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!

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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog

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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).

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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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