Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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