Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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