Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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