Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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