Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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