Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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