Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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