Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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