Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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How do you know when the moon has enough to eat?

When it's full.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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