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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?
He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?
Shocked.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?
She was caught taking a brake.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A lawn moo-er.
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Why does cheese look sane?
Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?
The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?
A river.
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How many radical feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
That isn't funny!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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