Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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What do you call a scared train?

A fright train!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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