Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What happened when the monster ate the electric company?

He was in shock for a week.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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