Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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