Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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