Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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