Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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Why did Mozart kill his chickens?

Because they always ran around going "Bach! Bach! Bach!"

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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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