Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is Donald Trump telling all his supporters?


Orange Is The New Black.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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