Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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