Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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