Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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