Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What is a parents favorite Christmas carol?

Silent night!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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