Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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