Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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