Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.

The guardians of the galaxy!
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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