Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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