Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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