Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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