Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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A sandwich walks into a bar.

The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"

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How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

One hundred and nine. Seven on the Lightbulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report to the 12 on the Lightbulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Executive Committee of five, who place it on the agenda of the 18-member Finance Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27-member Church Board, who appoint another 12-member review committee. If they recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another eight-member review committee. If their report to the next Congregational Business Meeting supports the changing of a lightbulb, and the Congregation votes in favor, the responsibility to carry out the lightbulb change is passed on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a seven-member committee to find the best price in new lightbulbs. Their recommendation of which hardware is the best buy must then be reviewed by the 23-member Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no connection to the Disney corporation. They report back to the Trustee Board who then commissions the Trustee in charge of the Janitor to ask him to make the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has burned out.
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