Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?

I don't know. I didn't think sheep could knit
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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