Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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