Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?

A coat of arms.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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