Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a story about a broken pencil?

Pointless
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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