Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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