Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Why is slippery ice like music?

If you don't C sharp - you'll B flat!

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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What did Michael Jackson tell the little boy?

"The way you make me feel, it really turns me on!"
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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