Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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How many Real Men does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Real Men aren't afraid of the dark.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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