Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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Why is b always cool?

Because it's between ac.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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