Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do Michael Jackson and x-boxs have in common?

They're both plastic and little boys turn them on.
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