Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why to lawyers wear neckties?

To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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