Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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