Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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