Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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