Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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