Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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Why did the bird get a ticket?

It broke the law of gravity!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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