Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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