Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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What did one owl say to the other owl?

Happy Owl-ween!
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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