Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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