Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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