Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday

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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.

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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.

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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.

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