Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Were does a boat go when it is sick?

To the dock.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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What do you get when you plant a frog?

A cr-oak tree.
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Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?

Because he's Haydn.

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How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. Televangelists screw in motels.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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