Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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