Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to say "Sock it to Me." (Notes: Sock it = Socket. Also, for the infant readers among you, this was a popular catch-phrase from "Laugh In.")
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