Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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