Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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