Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the scientist say when he found 2 isotopes of helium?

HeHe
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Hell, you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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