Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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