Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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