Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What is King Arthur's favorite fish?

A swordfish
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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