Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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There were five people under one umbrella. Why didn't they get wet?

It wasn't raining!
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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