Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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