Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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