Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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