Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What did Cinderella say to the photographer?

Some day my prints will come.
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Why did the orange stop in the middle of the hill?

It ran out of juice!
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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