Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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