Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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