Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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