Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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