Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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