Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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