Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. They don't like to share the spotlight.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why don't honest people need beds?

They don't lie.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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