Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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