Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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