Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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