Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What is a tornado's favorite game?

Twister!
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