Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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