Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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