Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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