Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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