Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What do you call a cow that plays a musical instrument?

A Moo-sician!

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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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