Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why did the chicken cross the road, roll in mud, then cross the road again?

He was a dirty double crosser!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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