Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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