Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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