Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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How many French Horn players does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he/she will spend hours checking for technical problems.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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