Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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