Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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Name four men that are in a rock group together but none of them sing nor play music...

Mt Rushmore. They're a rock group.. it's a rock...group
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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