Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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How many college girls does it take to change a light bulb?

That's "women," you unfunny jerk!
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