Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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What can you put in a barrel to make it lighter?

Holes.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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