Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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I’ve never gone to a gun range before.

I decided to give it a shot!
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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