Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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