Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?

With a cowculator.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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