Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Astronomers prefer the dark.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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