Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?

He was catching all the chickens!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What is at the end of everything?

The letter G.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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