Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do you call a cheese factory in the Middle East?

Cheeses of Nazareth.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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How do you fix a broken Tuba.

With a tuba glue.
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