Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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