Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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Why can't you say a joke while standing on ice?

Because it might crack up!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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