Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?

They had reservations.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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