Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

That's not funny!!!
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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