Why did the spy stay in bed?

Because he was under cover.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?

So he could grade his eggs.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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