Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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My pastor, he ate too many beans.

He had in his own pews.
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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