Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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