Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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