Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What kind of answer did you have in mind?
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What is a baby's motto?

If at first you don't succeed, cry and cry again!
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?

A silicon.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What do postal workers do when they're mad?

They stamp their feet.
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