Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Who says sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?

A guy who has never been hit with a dictionary.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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What room can you not go into?

A mushroom!
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There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France...

all that was left was de brie.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How do you make a million dollars singing jazz?

Start with two million.

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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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