Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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