Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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What did the belly button say just before it left?

I'm outtie here!

Tom: I bet I can make you say purple.
Joe: How?
Tom: What colors are in the American flag?
Joe: Red, white and blue.
Tom: I told you I can make you say red.
Joe: You said purple!
Tom: I told you I could make you say purple!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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How do chickens get strong?

Egg-cersize.
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