Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.

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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.

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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.

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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''

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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck

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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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