Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the ceiling say to the chandelier?

You're the only bright spot in my life.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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