Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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