Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?

It might be your bicycle.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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