Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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