Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What kind of table has no legs.

A multiplication table.
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