Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What do frogs order when they go to a restaurant?

French Flies.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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