Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why did Mozart sell his chickens?

Because they kept saying "bach bach"!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is only a small box but can weigh over a hundred pounds?

A scale.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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