Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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What do you call a cow that's just given birth?

[De-Calf-Inated]
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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