Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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