Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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