Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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