Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've got you covered!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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