Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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