Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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