Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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