Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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