Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Don't trust atoms,

they make up everything.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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What do moms dress up as on Halloween?

Mummies!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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