Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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What do you call a rabbit with beetles all over it?

Bugs Bunny.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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