Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?

Get out of my sun!
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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What's the first thing a musician says at work?

"Would you like fries with that?"

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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

Because he was caught tweeting on a test.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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