Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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What is a cow's favorite place?

The mooseum.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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