Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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