Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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