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Why did the strawberry call 911?
It was in a jam!
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Why did the cow cross the road?
Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What pine has the longest needles?
A porcupine.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
You Poke her face.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
When you're a mouse.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?
None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?
The hundred yard dash.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
Cats keep trying to bury them.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?
An onion
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