Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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