Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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