Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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How many Bratzlaver Hasidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find a bulb that burns as brightly as the old one.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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