Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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