Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him/her.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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