Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?

None. Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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How many Marxists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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