Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What's a puppy's favorite kind of pizza?

Pupperoni.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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