Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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