Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?

Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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