Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?

To practice.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What is the snake's favorite subject?

Hiss-story
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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