Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

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