Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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How does a pig go to hospital?

In a hambulance.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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