Why did the student eat her homework?

Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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What is a cat's favorite breakfast?

Mice krispies
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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