Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia!
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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