Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?

The hundred yard dash.
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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