Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many Jewish renewal rabbis does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends. One, if it's an eco-kosher bulb that isn't going to be lit by electricity generated from nuclear power. Two, as long as a man and a woman rabbi have equal turns putting in the bulb. Three, one to change it, one to do a Buddhist mindfulness practice during the change, and one to document the paradigm shift in a best-selling book called The Jew in the Lightbulb. Four, same as above plus an additional rabbi to study the psycho-halachic implications of such a change and then lead a retreat weekend on the experience.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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