Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer?

The tick falls off when you are dead.
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Old chemists never die,

they just stop reacting.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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