Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?

None; assholes never see the light anyway.
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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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