Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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How many freelance biotechnologists does it take to change a light bulb?

One; she designs the bulb to crawl up the wall, unscrew the old one, and screw itself in.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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