Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Trump: "Foreign Policy?,

if you mess with the United States, there will be hell toupee."

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Where does Friday come before Monday?

In the dictionary.
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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