Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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