Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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