Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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