Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call a bankrupt Santa?

Saint Nickel-less.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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How many times does Bill Clinton change a light bulb?

No one knows. Republicans automatically disbelieve him, and no one can ever trust a stinking liberal anyway.
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