Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How do you make a musician's car more aerodynamic?

Take the pizza delivery sign off the roof

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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