Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the snowman say to the customer?

Have an ice day!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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