Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What bird can lift the most?

A crane.
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