Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers?

Skeet.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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What part of a fish weighs the most?

The scales.
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