Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the computer squeak?

Someone stepped on its mouse.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to take notes while the other screws it into the faucet.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?

The banana split
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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