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Why did the thief take a shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?
coz Donald ducked
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?
No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.
Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?
It takes two. One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.
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What is the world's longest punctuation mark?
The hundred yard dash.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?
Neither, they all burn shorter.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.
They keep dropping their trunks.
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What do you call a clown who's in jail?
A silicon.
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