Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Why were the teacher's eyes crossed?

She couldn't control her pupils.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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