Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Interesting story, the guy who helped me learn algebra never farted around anyone.

I mean he did say he was a private tutor.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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