Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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