Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How do you make a fire with two sticks?

Make sure one is a match!
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What happens when you play "the blues" backwards?

Your wife comes back to you, your dog returns to life and you get out of prison.

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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