Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a liar?

The pronunciation.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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