Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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