Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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What is black and white and red all over?

A skunk with a rash.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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How many fatalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What does it matter? we're all gonna die anyway.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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