Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many believable, competent, ``just-right-for-the-job'' presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

It's going to be a dark 4 years, isn't it?
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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