Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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Where do all the letters sleep?

In the alphabed.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?

Snowflakes.
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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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