Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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If the red house is on the left,the blue house is on the right,where is the White House?

In Washington, D.C.
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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What's the definition of a minor second?

Two flutes playing in unison.

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