Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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What do you call the best butter on the farm?

A goat.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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