Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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What can you hold without using your hands?

Your breath!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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How many IBM PC owners does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but she/he'll have to go out and buy the light bulb adaptor card first, which is extra.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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