Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. It turned itself in.
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Why does the Easter Bunny have a shiny nose?

His powder puff is on the wrong end.
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