Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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