Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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Where do you learn to make banana splits?

In sundae school.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"
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