Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physist as they drink the last of their beer.

The strange charm of a top down bottoms up.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why does Trump love the poorly educated?

Because they only know their ABCs "Anybody But Clinton".
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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