Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What did one elevator say to the other?

I think I'm coming down with something!
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