Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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what do you call a tick on the moon?

A luna-tick
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What is a horse's favorite sport?

Stable tennis
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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