Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What is black ,white and red all over?

A sunburnt penguin
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How did Ben Franklin feel after discovering electricity?

Shocked.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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