Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.


It's something I could really see myself doing.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What is a ghost's favorite fruit?

Booberries!
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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