Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What kind of fish is made out of 2 sodium atoms?

2 Na
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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