Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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What's the only difference between Donald Trump and Bozo the Clown?

Bozo The Clown has real hair on his head.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What concert costs 45 cents?

50 cent featuring Nickelback

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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