Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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Did you know that you can cool yourself to -273.15 Degrees C

and still be 0k?
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What kind of cats like to go bowling?

Alley cats.
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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