Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why are babies good at soccer?

Because they dribble!
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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