Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase.

I can hardly contain myself.

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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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