Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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