Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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