Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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What is green and pecks on trees?

Woody the Wood Pickle.
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