Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?

A watch dog.
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Where does a polarbear keep its money?

In a snow bank!
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Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?

From chasing parked ambulances.
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Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady?

Because she would have to move into a smaller house.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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