Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many UFO buffs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. You don't believe me do you? I've got photos! See that big blob? Well, just squint your eyes a bit. . . .
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, "moo"

and the other one says, "That's what I was going to say."
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?

A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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