Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Kleptomaniacs just don't get puns

they always take things literally.
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Went to the paper shop -

it had blown away.
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