Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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