Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What do you call a parrot that flew away?

A polygon
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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