Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What's the definition of a gentleman?

One who knows how to play the saxophone, but doesn't!

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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?

One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.
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