Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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How many supporters of George W. Bush does it take to change a light bulb?

None. First, denounce the nearest Democrats as liberal pantywaists who deliberately caused the bulb to blow. Second, announce that the Bush administration has proved that the science of electricity is faulty, so no action ever needs to be taken on global light change. Third, keep the need for a new light bulb strictly secret. Fourth, use the money for new light bulbs as an excuse for another tax cut for Bush's wealthy friends. Fifth, explain that you would never "disassemble" about the need for light, you are way too busy spreading freedom and democracy in the Middle East by eliminating freedom and democracy in the United States.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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