Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?

There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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