Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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How many Klingons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to stab the other in the back and take all the credit.
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.
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