Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Why did the dog cross the road twice?

He was trying to fetch a boomerang
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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