Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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What goes under your feet and over your head?

A jump rope.
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What school do you have to drop out of to graduate from?

Parachute school!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me!
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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