Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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You see my next-door neighbour worships exhaust pipes,

he's a catholic converter.


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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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