Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.

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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What do you call a snowman in the desert?

A puddle!
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.

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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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