Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many sopranos does it take to change a light bulb?

Three. One to climb the ladder while the second kicks the ladder out from under her. And the third to say, "I knew that was too high for you dear."
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What do envelopes say when you lick them?

Nothing, it shuts them up!
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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