Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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