Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the cow go to outer space?

To visit the milky way.
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What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?

Got two fives for a ten?
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?

Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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