Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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How many Einsteins does it take to change a light bulb?

That depends on the speed of the change and the mass of the bulb. Or vice versa, of course. It just might be easier to leave the bulb and change the room. It's all relative.
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How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None. There's a primitive for that.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Have you heard the one about a chemist who was reading a book about helium?

He just couldn't put it down.
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