Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What did the candle say to the other candle?

I'm going out tonight!
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I just watched a debate as to which cartoons were better- Disney or Warner Bros.

I have to say it got very animated.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

Aye, Aye, Arr and the Seven C's
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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