Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What is Donald Trumps biggest dilemma now that he's president?

Finding a cabinet position for the thing on his head!
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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