Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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What kind of balls do dragons play soccer with?

Fireballs.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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