Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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If a long dress is evening wear, what is a suit of armor?

Silverware.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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