Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?

Glass flippers.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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