Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why does everybody like Frosty the Snowman?

Because he is so cool!
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What runs around a yard without moving?

A fence.
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