Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What's the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?

A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four

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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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