Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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Online money has recently been discovered to be a not-yet-identified super heavy element.

The proposed name is: Un-obtainium.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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