Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why did God invent lawyers?

So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.

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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.

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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards

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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!

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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.

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Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan

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