Why did the tomato blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing!
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you give a pig with a rash?

Oinkment.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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