Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three, but they're really only one.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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