Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What airline does Donald Trump aspire to fly?

Hair Force One!
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and God?

God doesn't think he's a lawyer.
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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