Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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What do you call a pig who knows karate?

Porkchop
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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