Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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What does the winner of the race lose?

His breath.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?

``Twelve. Ya got a problem with that?''
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