Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What's the slipperiest country?

Greece!
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A tree in a golden forest.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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