Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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