Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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What did the class clown take a computer to school?

Her mom told her to bring in an apple for the teacher.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What kind of dessert does a ghost like?

I scream!
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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