Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What has legs but doesn't walk?

A bed.
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How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How is Donald Trump going to create middle class jobs?

By paying them to cheer for him during campaign events.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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