Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.


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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.

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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos

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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!

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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What happened when the lion ate the comedian?

He felt funny.

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