Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How many Director's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Just one more, guys, I promise.
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