Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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Where are sharks from?

Finland.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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