Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many Mensans does it take to tell Mensa light bulb jokes?

Five. One to tell the joke and one to get it.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?

The League of Extraordinary Con Men.
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Why did the banana split?

It saw the ginger snap.
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If you don't know what introspection is,

you need to take a long, hard look at yourself.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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