Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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