Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?

They both have a hole in one!
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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