Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racquet.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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Where did the sheep go on vacation?

The baaaahamas
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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