Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the picture say to the wall?

I've been framed.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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