Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many Jewish American Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call Daddy, and one to get the (pick one:) mineral water/Tab.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?

To hide in a bag of M&M's.
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Middle C, E-Flat and G walk into a bar.

Sorry, says the barman, we don't serve minors.
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What's round and bad-tempered?

A vicious circle.
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What does cheese like to drink?

Morbier
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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