Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

Let's get crackin'!
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What is a snowman's favorite breakfast?

Frosted Flakes!
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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