Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Have you seen the new HGTV show about the Whitehouse makeover?

It's called "Trump It or Dump It".
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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A Bhuddist monk goes to a hotdog stand

and says make me one with everything.
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How many militarists does it take to change a light bulb?

1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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