Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What happens when frogs park illegally?

They get toad.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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