Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Have you heard the joke about the butter?

I better not tell you, it might spread.
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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