Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What's a tree's favorite drink?

Rootbeer.
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?

None, because they were copycats
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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