Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!
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How many record producers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two… one to tell the engineer to do it, the other to say "I don't know, what do you think?"

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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?

It's time to go to sweep.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon!
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