Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How do you cut a wave in half?

Use a sea saw.
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What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?

When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
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What do you get if Bach falls off a horse but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

Bach in the saddle again.

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