Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What do you call a pig that does karate?

A pork chop.
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What kind of potato chips fly?

Plane ones.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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What do Santa's elves learn in school?

The Elfabet.
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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