Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?

A tattoo.

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?

Taller
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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