Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What did the little boy's mom say when he asked her to buy him shoes for gym?

"Tell Jim to buy his own shoes".
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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