Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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Why are elephants wrinkled?

Because they don't fit on a ironing board
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What did the judge say to the dentist?

Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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