Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Why was the piano player arrested?

Because he got into treble with the cops

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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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How many cats does it takes to screw in a light bulb?

You can throw away your light bulbs. Just douse the cat with gasoline, light it up with a match, and you'll have all the light you need. (Comment: BLEAH!)
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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I'm sorry we can't let the elephants back into the public pool.

They keep dropping their trunks.
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