Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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I said to this train driver "I want to go to Paris". He said "Eurostar?"

I said, "I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin".
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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