Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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What is up in the air and wobbles?

A jellycopter
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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Why did Mickey Mouse get whacked in the head?

coz Donald ducked
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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