Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many investment brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do you call a sad bird?

A bluebird!
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?

Bison
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What do you call a musician with a college degree?

Night manager at McDonalds

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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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