Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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How many alto sax players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five: one to handle the bulb and four to contemplate how David Sanborn would've done it.
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