Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Any changes will have to be implemented in software.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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Why does cheese look sane?

Because everything else on the plate is crackers.
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What's black and white, black and white, black and white and green?

Three skunks fighting over a pickle

First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy
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