Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How does Donald Trump plan on deporting 12 million illegal immigrants?

Juan by Juan.
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What's the difference between a snow man and a snow woman?

Snow balls!
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What is Donald Trumps campaign slogan?

"A complex world demands complex hair."
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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