Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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