Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What's green and flies as fast as a speeding bullet?

Super Pickle!
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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