Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Trump: "It's not a toupee,

I just found the Bush that Jeb lost."
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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What did Tennessee?
The same thing Arkansas.
What did Delaware?

Her New Jersey.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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