Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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How are elephants and trees alike?

They both have trunks
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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