Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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What is the best time to go to the dentist?

Tooth-hurty.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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What's the definition of perfect pitch?

When you toss a banjo in the garbage and it hits an accordion.

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What's green and loud?

A froghorn.
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What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?

A pineapple!
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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