Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team?

She ran away from the ball.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Why should you never tell a secret in a corn field?

Because there are too many ears.
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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