Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.

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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.

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What music does cheese listen to?

R & Brie.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They have machines to do that now.

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