Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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