Why did the tree go to the dentist?

It needed a root canal.
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How many ergonomicists does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. Four to decide which way the bulb ought to turn, and . . .
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?

Polar Bond.
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How does Donald Trump intend to spice up the Republican Convention?

By relocating it to a casino!
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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