Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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Customer: "Do you have alligator shoes?"

Clerk: "Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?"
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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What are pirate's favoite treat?

Chips AHOY!!
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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