Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Does it take longer to run from 1st base to 2nd, or from 2nd to 3rd?

From 2nd to 3rd because there's a shortstop in the middle.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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