Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?

A kitten.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A newspaper!
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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