Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the carpenter fall asleep on the job?

He was board.
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