Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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What happens when you play Beethoven backwards?

He decomposes.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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How do you make Halloween great again?

By carving a Trumpkin.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?

It was two tired.
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What is Donald Trump "really" trying to do?

Make America Hate Again.
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