Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day

but I couldn't find any.

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I stayed up all night because I wanted to see where the sun went,

and then it dawned on me.
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What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?

He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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Why would Snow White make a great judge?

She was the fairest in the land.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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