Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with

but I've been trippin' all day.
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What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?

A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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How many fire safety guys dose it take to screw in a light bulb?

One -- but it's an 8 hour minimum.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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