Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What kind of fly has a frog in its throat?

A hoarse fly!
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?

Its shadow
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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