Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A Flat Major

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What did the drummer get on his I.Q. Test?

Saliva
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What has 6 eyes but can't see?

3 blind mice.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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