Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?

A shampoodle
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many Cabbage Patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?

The question is irrelevant, since you couldn't find the dolls even if you knew how many. (Note: Well, this was a good joke in 1983-84. . . .)
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What do you call a smiling, sober, courteous person at a bar association convention?

The caterer.
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How do you get a trumpet to sound like a french horn?

Put your hand in the bell and play a lot of wrong notes.

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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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