Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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