Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What do you get when you drop a piano into a mine shaft?

A Flat Miner

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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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