Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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