Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark?

Flood lights!
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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What does Melania see in Donald Trump?

"Ten billion dollars and high cholesterol!"
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