Why did the TV cross the road?

Because it wanted to be a flat screen.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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How many junkies does it take to change a light bulb?

Oh wow, is it, like, dark, man?
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How do dinosaurs pay their bills?

With Tyrannosaurus checks.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes!

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