Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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What did one hair say to the other?

It takes two to tangle!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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