Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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Which 2 food groups make up Donald Trumps diet?

Meat and Democrats!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the scientist take out his doorbell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize!
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?

Take away his shovel
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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