Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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What does a witch use to keep her hair up?

Scarespray!
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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