Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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Why does a dog wag its tail?

Because there's no one else to wag it for him.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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How many Sound Recordists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

WHAT?
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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