Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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What is "HIJKLMNO"?

H2O.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one - and let the other one off.

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Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.
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