Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and 17 to be on the guest list.
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What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A Doberman.
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Why should we call the President, Donald "Duck" Trump?

Because you better duck when he's pissed.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?

A chili dog on a bun.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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