Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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So the Pillsbury Doughboy's pants fell off and I..

feel really weird about donuts right now.
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Two girls were born on the same day, same year, same parents, except they are not twins. Explain:

They are triplets.
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What bone will a dog never eat?

A trombone.
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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