Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What pine has the longest needles?

A porcupine.
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How many PA' does it take to screw in a light bulb?

What's a light bulb?
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Which candles burn longer, bee's wax or tallow?

Neither, they all burn shorter.
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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. But when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank,

proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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