Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling well!
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Two aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married.

The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.

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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Who can hold up a bus with one hand?

A crossing guard.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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