Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Is that you mommy?
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What is a tree's favorite drink?

Root beer.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, because people who glow in the dark don't need light bulbs.

Note: Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.
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