Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why was the mole of oxygen molecules excited when he walked out of the singles bar?

He got Avogadro's number!
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?

50. One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him .
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