Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

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What do you call a mad elephant?

An earthquake.
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What is a pirate's favorite's fish?

A swordfish
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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