Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many Development Executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Well, first let's talk about the concept behind this whole "light bulb" thing.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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What has a head but no body?

A nail.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many members of the United Church of Canada does it take to change a light bulb?

How dare you be so intolerant! So what if the light bulb has chosen an alternative light-style?
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