Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many teenage girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, but she'll be on the phone for five hours telling all her friends about it.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?

They're both extinct.
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"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that."

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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

There are footprints in the butter.
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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