Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did the surfer think the sea was his friend?

Because it gave him a big wave!
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What would happen if pigs could fly?

The price of bacon would go up.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Where do computers go to dance?

The disk-o!
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