Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What do you call two banana peels?

Slippers.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon
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When the attendant asked the photon if it had any bags to check

It said Nah, I'm traveling light.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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