Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Who earns a living by driving his customers away?

A taxi driver.
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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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What do you call a cat sitting on the beach on Christmas Eve?

Sandy Claws.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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What did the sub-atmoic ducks say?

Quark!
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