Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He made an illegal ewe turn.
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Where does Dorian Gray shop?

Forever 21
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do lawyers wear in court?

Lawsuits.
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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

It was sole destroying.
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