Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?

When a rooster wakes up in the morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
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How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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What's the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it last even longer.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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