Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?

New Jersey got to pick first.
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How many orgy attenders does it take to change a lightbulb?

As many as possible, and don't *ask* what they do with the old bulb.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is the difference between a fly and superman?

Superman can fly, but a fly cannot superman!
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?

His "ghoul" friend!
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What did the rug say to the floor?

Don't move, I've got you covered.
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