Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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"I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it,

it was a shitzu."
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How many Bluegrass musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb??

What's a light bulb?
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How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.

A': None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.
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What did one cow say to the other?

Mooooooove over
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What did the clock do after it ate?

It went back four seconds!
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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How do you get a cello player to play in tune?

Tell him the key signature has 8 sharps.

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Why did the strawberry call 911?

It was in a jam!
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