Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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What do you call a pig that's been arrested for dangerous driving?

A road hog.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What is the most important rule in chemistry?

Never lick the spoon!
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Why was the woman fired from the car assembly line?

She was caught taking a brake.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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