Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How do you make a band stand?

Take their chairs away!
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What's black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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What did the alien say when he was out of room?

I'm all spaced out!
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Where do ghosts buy their food?

At the ghost-ery store!
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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