Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What's worse than a worm in your apple?

Half a worm.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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Why did the skeleton cross the road?

To get to the body shop.
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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What kind of dogs do chemists have?

Laboratory Retrievers
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And how come her cell phone bill was so high?

She was a Roman (roamin) Catholic
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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