Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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How does an Eskimo stick his house together?

With igloo!
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What do you call a dinosaur that wears a cowboy hat and boots?

Tyrannosaurus Tex.
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Why did the people not like the restaurant on the moon?

Because there was no atmosphere.
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