Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: one to write the light bulb removal program, one to write the light bulb insertion program, and one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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I backed a horse last week at ten to one.

It came in at quarter past four.

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What's a dog's favorite food for breakfast?

Pooched eggs.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?

A buck.
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What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?

Owlgebra
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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