Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why did the doughnut shop close?

The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!
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How do you keep a skunk from smelling?

Plug its nose.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What did one ion say to the other?

I've got my ion you.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you call a slow skier?

A slopepoke!
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