Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!

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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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El Chapo has offered $100 million dollars for Trumps body, dead or alive.

I guess that finally answers the question about how much Donald Trump is actually worth.
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What cheese do you use to coax a bear out of the woods with?

Camembert.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.

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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.

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Why did the news reporter go to the ice cream parlor?

Because she wanted to get a good scoop.
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I'm in great mood tonight because the other day I entered a competition and I won a years supply of Marmite

......... one jar.
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