Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?

Their lips are moving.
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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Where does an elephant pack his luggage?

In his trunk
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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