Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What element is derived from a Norse god?

Thorium.
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Where do soldiers keep their armies?

In their Sleevies!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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