Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What do you call 25 attorneys buried up to their chins in cement?

Not enough cement.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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How many [ethnic] gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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Once there was a family called the Biggers. There was Mr. Bigger, Mrs. Bigger, and their son. Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?

His son, because he's a little Bigger!
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Why did the baseball player bring a rope to the game?

Because he wanted to tie the score!
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Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.
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