Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants,

it was Wedgie Kray.

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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