Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Where would an astronaut park his space ship?

A parking meteor!
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?

Stuck
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