Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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Why did the tree get a computer?

To log on.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

To get to the udder side.
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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There's a fine line between a numerator and denominator.

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper.

She was wearing massive gloves.
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