Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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What did the peanut say to the elephant?

Nothing, peanuts don't talk.
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How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb

None, sound engineers don't do lights
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What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?

Sleep somewhere else.
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What does Santa like to do in the garden?

Hoe, hoe, hoe!
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Know how copper wire was invented?

Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.
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