Why didn't the rooster cross the road?

Because it was chicken.
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Why was the ant so confused?

Because all his uncles were "ants"!
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?

None. You have to replace the whole motherboard.
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What does new age music sound like played backwards?

New age music.

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Why don't aliens eat clowns?

Because they taste funny!
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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