Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Slept like a log last night........

Woke up in the fireplace.

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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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Why is Donald Trump always seen with Melania?

Because all his other wives support Hillary.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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