Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What did one tooth say to the other tooth?

The dentist is taking me out tonight.
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What do you call a fish without an eye?

Fsh
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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How many lesbians does it take to change a light bulb?

Three: One to screw it in, and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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A pair of eyebrows walked into a shop. The assistant asked, "Can I help you?"

The eyebrows replied, "no, we are just browsing"
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Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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