Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a trainload of terrapins,

What a turtle disaster

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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why does Donald Trump prefer E.T. to illegal immigrants?

Because E.T. eventually went home!
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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So I was on a train with Einstein and he turns to me and asks...

Does Boston stop at this train?
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What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel,
a Poodle and a ghost?

A cocker poodle boo.
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