Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did the policeman say when his tummy was rumbling?

Stop! You're under a vest.
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I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day.

Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

People must be dying to get in there.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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