Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Why was the mouse afraid of the water?

Catfish
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Why couldn't the pirates play cards?

They were sitting on the deck!
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What are lawyers good for?

They make used car salesmen look good.
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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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How many chiropractors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it takes six visits.
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What has a lot of keys but can not open any doors?

A piano.
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I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
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