Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke...

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.

If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.

Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Bibliography:

[1] Wiener, Matthew P., <11485@ucbvax>, Re: YALBJ, 1986
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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