Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."

Helium doesn't react.
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What kind of flower has lips?

Two-lips!
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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What is a cheetahs favorite food?

Fast food

A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half,a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, "Where were you during the first half?" He replied "Putting on my shoes".
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do you call a lawyer gone bad.

Senator.
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Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt?

Because deep down, they're really good people.
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