Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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How many archaeologists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One team, but they'll label every piece of the old one, mark its location in the room, and write a detailed description before determining that it was used to store cornmeal.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How can you tell is a singer is at your door?

They can't find the key, and they never know when to come in.
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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why are pirates great singers?

They can hit the high C's!

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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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