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Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?
Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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How are doughnuts and golf alike?
They both have a hole in one!
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?
They are both rolling in the dough!
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?
Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?
New Jersey got to pick first.
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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why don't lawyers go to the beach?
Cats keep trying to bury them.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?
To reduce his carbon footprint.
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