Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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Where do you get whales weighed?

At the Whale-weigh station.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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Why are there fences around a graveyard?

Because people are dying to get in!
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Where are cars most likely to get flat tires?

At forks in the road.
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Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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