Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?

Because he had no BODY to go with.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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What do Russians use for napkins?

Soviets
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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Why did the calendar write its will?

Its days were numbered.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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