Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What can you hold without ever touching it?

A conversation.
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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How many shaggy dogs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Fewer than it takes to screw in a heavy bulb.
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What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.
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Who's richer — the butcher, the baker, or the candlestick maker?

The baker, because he has lots of dough.
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What does a calf become after it's 1 year old?

2 years old.

Cow: "Mooooove over"
Sheep: "Naaaaaaa."
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What do fish take to stay healthy?

Vitamin sea.
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