Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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How many music teachers does it take to screw in a light bulb??

None. music teachers can't afford lightbulbs.
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What do you call a public servant who doesn't take crap from Republicans or Democrats?

Donald Trump.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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I'll call you later.

Don't call me later, call me Dad.
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"because," he said "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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