Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?

A brick layer!
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What did the pencil say to the paper?

I dot my i's on you!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What has three letters and starts with gas?

A car
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