Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.

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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.

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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet

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What is an astronauts favorite key on the keyboard?

The space bar!

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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper

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"I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said, "How flexible are you?"

I said, "I can't make Tuesdays"

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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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