Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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How many art directors does it take to screw in a light bulb

Does it have to be a light bulb? I've got this neat candle holder...
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When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar!
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What did the flag say to the pole?

Nothing, it just waved.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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How many Stanford professors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to write a paper claiming that light is a pig whitey invention, one to organize a Darkness Studies program, and one hundred to protest the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Generating Station.
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