Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?

None. That's a software problem.
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What is the quietest kind of a dog?

A hush puppy.
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What goes 99 thump,99 thump,99 thump?

A centipede with a wooden leg.
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Why do loud, obnoxious whistles exist at some factories?

To give us some sort of appreciation for flutes.

Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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What's worse than a centipede with athlete's foot?

A porcupine with split ends
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What does a cat call a hummingbird?

Fast food.
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What is the definition of a "crying shame"?

There was an empty seat.
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