Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then

*poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
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What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is happy when the case is closed

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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do you call a fairy who doesn't take a bath?

Stinker Bell.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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Why did Venus have to get an air conditioner?

Because Mercury moved in.
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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