Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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What did one wall say to the other?

I'll meet you at the corner.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many polite New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Both of them.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Which is the most religious cheese?

Emmental...it's very hol(e)y...
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How many Trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one. But he'll leave a big puddle of spit on the floor underneath him.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but they get three tech. reports out of it.
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