Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?

It gave a little wine
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What do you call a calf after it's six months old?

Seven months old.
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the chicken cross the clothing store?

To get to the other size!
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