Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Carl Sagans does it take to change a light bulb?

Billllyuns and billllyuns. Light bulbs are part of the interstellar "goo" that pervades our universe; they are star stuff.
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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What do you call a snarky criminal going down the stairs?

[A Condesending con descending]
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What kind of dress can't be worn?

Address.
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What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?

Lilly.
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