Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why is the French horn the most divine instrument?

Man blows into it, but God only knows what comes out

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There was a rooster sitting on a top of a barn. If it laid an egg, which way would it roll?

Roosters don't lay eggs!
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What' the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee?

A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
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Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What did the number 0 say to number 8?

Nice belt!
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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