Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did rural America tell Donald Trump?

You're Hired.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?

A computer mouse.
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I thought about going on an all-almond diet.

But that's just nuts
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What kind of band can't play music?

A rubber band.
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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