Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why do pandas like old movies?

Because they are black and white.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It’s Hans free.
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I was in Tesco's and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode.

I said, "Are you two an item?"

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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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Why was the vacationing doctor so mad?

He had no patients.
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Why did the lamb cross the road?

To get to the baaaaarber shop
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