Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to screw it most of the way in and the other to give it a surprise twist at the end.
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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Where do fortune tellers dance?

At the crystal ball.
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How many fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None; the Bible doesn't mention any light bulbs.
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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What happened when the butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

he got a little behind in his work.
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