Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did one flower say to the other flower?

Hey, bud!
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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Why do hummingbirds hum?

Because they don't know the words.
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Did you hear about Michael Jackson's latest record?

"Feel the World."
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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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