Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?

Just in case he got a hole in one!
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Three - one to cast the bulb into the outer darkness, and two to catch it when it falls.
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How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?

A phew.
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Why does hamburger yield lower energy than steak?

Because it's in the ground state.
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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Why was the cat afraid of a tree?

Because of the bark
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