Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" what's the typical response?

C over lambda.
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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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What kind of jam can you not eat?

A traffic jam.
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Why did the oreo go to the dentist?

To get his filling!
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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