Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why did the rooster cross the road?

To prove he wasn't a chicken!
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What do Santa's elves drive?

Minivans.
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What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?

Time to get a new bed
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

Many hands make light work.
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What do an accordion and a lawsuit have in common?

Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.

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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What is a lion's favorite state?

Maine
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.

The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything"
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