Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent, the deer didn't have a buck so they put the meal on the duck's bill.
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What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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Why do you bring fish to a party?

Because it goes good with chips.
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What did the ghost say to the other ghost?

Do you believe in humans?
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Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear

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