Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?

Because his feet stink
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse?

Kitty Perry

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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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Why did the thief take a shower?

He wanted to make a clean getaway!
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What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves.
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What do you call a thieving alligator?

A crookodile
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