Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Did you know that oxygen went for a second date with potassium?
How did it go?

It went OK2!
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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I would avoid the sushi if I was you.

It’s a little fishy.
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Why can't Donald Trump be a Lannister?

Because he never pays his debts.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to screw it in, and another to repent.

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What's the difference between a jellyfish and a lawyer?

One's a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.
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