Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call the king of vegetables?

Elvis Parsley.
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Where do cows go on Saturday night?

To the mooooooovies.
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How many agnostics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Agnostics question whether electricity really exists.
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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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Why was the baseball player arrested in the middle of the game?

He was caught stealing second base.
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Why are ghosts so bad at lying?

Because you can see right through them!
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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