Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What do you call a Disney Princess that supports Donald Trump?

Snow White Supremacist.
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There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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What has holes all over and holds water?

A sponge!
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What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?

Five after one.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

Accountants know they're boring.
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