Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a messy hippo?

A hippopota-mess
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Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

The chicken wasn't around yet.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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