Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

The lawyer charges more.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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Why did the sun go to school?

To get brighter!

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What kind of music do planets sing?

Neptunes!
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