Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you throw to a drowning lawyer?

His partners.
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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How do you know the economy is only getting worse?

On the latest episode of "Celebrity Apprentice", Donald Trump fired himself!
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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How many subscribers to AOL does it take to change a light bulb?

What? You can change light bulbs?
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