Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?

Spelling.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did one titration say to the other?

"Let's meet at the endpoint."
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What do aliens on the metric system say?

Take me to your liter.
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What do birds say on Halloween?

Twick o tweet
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Where do cars go for a swim?

At the carpool!
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