Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Actually, agents will screw in just about anything.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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Why are Muslims worried about Trumps immigration plans?

Once you deport Juan you deport Jamal.
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How much does a hipster weigh?

An instagram.
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What do you call a wheel made of iron?

A ferrous wheel.
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What do you call a loony spaceman?

An astronut.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Where do you go to find a million story building?

You go to the Library!
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