Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Which runs faster, hot or cold water?

Hot, because you can catch cold.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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Where is a rabbit's favorite place to eat?

Ihop
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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Four fonts walk into a bar

the barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"

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Why did Mickey Mouse go to outer space?

He was looking for Pluto.
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