Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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When is a car not a car?

When it turns into a garage.
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How many IBM engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just let Marketing explain that "Dead Bulb" is a feature.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why did the man take a pencil to bed?

Because he wanted to draw the curtains!
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What do you call a cow that twitches?

Beef jerky
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I know loads of jokes about cash machines,

I just can't think of one atm.
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Whats Donald Trump's favorite nation?

Discrimination.
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