Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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What do you see when you look into Trump's eyes?

Answer: The back of his head.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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Why did the cookie go to the Doctor?

Because he was feeling crumby.
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When does New Year's Day come before Christmas Day?

Every year!
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