Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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"Mommy, everyone says I look like a werewolf."

"Please be quiet and comb your face."
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What do ghosts use to wash their hair?

Shamboo!
Frankenstein: Witch can you make me a lemonade?
Witch: Poof you are a lemonade!
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What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee!
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What did the necktie say to the hat?

You go on ahead. I'll hang around for a while.
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What do you call lending money to a bison?

A buff-a-loan
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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend when he proposed?

Can I have your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand in marriage?
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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