Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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PMS jokes are not funny...

[Period]
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How do you catch a unique bird?

Unique up on it.
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How can a pregnant woman tell that she's carrying a future lawyer?

She has an uncontrollable craving for bologna.
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What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?

Lipstick.
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What goes on and on and has an i in the middle?

An onion
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What did the carrot say to the rabbit?

Do you want to grab a bite?
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A Freudian slip is when you mean to say one thing

but you accidentally say Mother.
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What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car?

Carlos.
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