Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?

It's fine, he woke up.
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do you call a king who is only 12 inches tall?

A ruler.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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How many referral agents does it take to change a light bulb?

Two: One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.
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A proton and a neutron are walking down the street.
The proton says, "Wait, I dropped an electron help me look for it."

The neutron says "Are you sure?" The proton replies "I'm positive."
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