Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many actors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100: One to do it and ninety-nine to say "I could've done that."
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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How many Yuppies (WASPs) does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, one to call the electrician, and one to mix the drinks.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?

As far away as possible.
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Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?

It went OK.
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What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?

Sir.
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