Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did the alien say to the cat?

Take me to your litter.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap Year
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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How is Donald Trump going to shut down the Department of Education?

By renaming it Trump University.
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When did the fly fly?

When the spider spied her!
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Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?

He took them to a pignic.
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What does GOP stand for?

Grabs Our Pussy.
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