Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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What did Donald Trump say to the birthday boy?

"Let me see your birth certificate".
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How many alumnae of (sorority name) does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change it and one to act as chaperone.
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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?

Because he wanted sweet dreams.
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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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