Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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What do you call a dog with a Rolex?

A watch dog.
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Knock, knock
Who's there?
Merry.
Merry who?

Merry Christmas!
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They're always telling me to live my dreams.

But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for.
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Why do ghosts make good cheerleaders?

Because they have a lot of spirit.
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Where do fish keep their money?

In a river bank
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How does a train sneeze?

Ah-choo-choo!
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How many technical writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, provided there is a programmer around to explain how to do it.
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