Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But the guitarist has to show him first.

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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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What does one bucket say to the other?

I am feeling pale today.
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When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: "I love the simple things in life,

but I don't want one of them for my husband".

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What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many singers from Nashville does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change it, one to sing about how heartbroken he is at the loss of the old one, one to sing about how madly in love he is with the new one, and one to go "Yee-Hah!" and throw his cowboy hat in the air.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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