Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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How did the chemist survive the famine?

By subsisting on titrations.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!
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What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?

A drummer

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How do you catch a squirrel?

Climb up a tree and act like a nut
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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How many Wardrobe people does it take to screw in a light bulb?

"Nobody said I needed doubles on that!"
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