Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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What's the difference between a tuba and a vacumn cleaner?

You have to turn one of them on before it sucks.

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Why are the middle ages sometimes called the Dark Ages?

Because they had so many knights.
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What is the difference between a car and a bull?

A car only has one horn.
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why didn't the skeleton want to go to school?

His heart wasn't in it.
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What do Donald Trump and a baby have in common?

They both whine alot!
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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White vans.
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