Why do chemists like nitrates so much?

They're cheaper than day rates.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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What's a royal pardon?

It's what the queen says after she burps.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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What do a baker and a millionaire have in common?

They are both rolling in the dough!
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Why are kindergarten teachers so good?

They can make little things count.
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Why can't hippos ride bicycles?

Bike helmets don't fit hippos
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What is the chemical formula for "coffee"?

CoFe2
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How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.
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