Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse.

but enough about Kanye West.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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What kind of driver has no arms or legs?

A screwdriver.
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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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