Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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How do you stop an elephant from charging?

Take away his credit card
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?

A try and try and try-ceratops
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