Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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What message did Bach have on his answering machine?

"This phone is baroque, please call Bach later."

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What is very funny and makes dogs itch?

The Flea Stooges!
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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How does a penguin build it's house?

Igloos it together.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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I tried nutella on some salmon

got salmonella.
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