Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?

A Dogwood
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What did the frog say when he heard "time flies when you are having fun?"

Time is fun when you're having flies
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What did the dog say to the flea?

Stop bugging me
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How many guitar players does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One to change the bulb and eleven to say they could do it faster.

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How many DP's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. No, two. No... How many do we have on the truck?
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