Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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What is a vampire's favorite fruit?

A nectarine!
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How do you open the great lakes?

With the Florida Keys.
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What did the teddy bear say when it was offered dessert?

No thank you, I'm stuffed.
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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