Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What is worse then having one baby screaming?

Two babies screaming!
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A seal walks into a club...
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What has one horn and gives milk?

A milk truck.
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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How did the bubble gum cross the road?

On the bottom of the chicken's foot!
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I went down the local supermarket, I said, "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it",

he said, "Those are pickled onions".

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