Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What kind of ties can't you wear?

Railroad ties.
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A neutron walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?"

The bartender offers him a warm smile and says, "For you, no charge".
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How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it's already burned out).
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What do you call an exploding monkey?

A baboom
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?

The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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A man goes to a zoo and discovers there is only one animal and it's a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu
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