Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How do you make a cello sound beautiful?

Sell it and buy a violin

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Why doesn't Donald Trump sweat like Marco Rubio?

Because he has such yuuuuge fans!
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What did one egg say to the other egg?

You crack me up!
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