Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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What do you call a fat pumpkin?

A plumpkin.
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I just watched a program about beavers.

It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many BMI employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?

They screw millions of bulbs every day, but when it comes to your bulbs, there's no record.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What is the show cesium and iodine love watching together?

CSI
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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!
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