Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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In what school do you learn how to greet people?

Hi school.
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Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman.

It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't.
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When should you buy a bird?

When it's going cheep!

Did you hear the one about the crow and the telephone pole?
He wanted to make a long distance caw.
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Why do chemists enjoy working with ammonia?

Because it's pretty basic stuff.
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When are kids most likely to go to school?

When the door is open.
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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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