Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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What is the strongest animal?

A snail because it carries it's home.
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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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What goes around a haunted house and never stops?

A fence.
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What's the tallest building in the world?

The library, because it has the most stories.
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