Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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How do you fix a broken vegetable?

With tomato paste.
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.
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What has four legs and goes "Oom, Oom"?

A cow walking backwards
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What did Donald Trump do before criticizing illegals?

He made sure his pools were clean and his lawns were mowed.
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How do you make a hot dog stand?

Steal its chair.
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