Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the bartender say when oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorous walked into his bar?

OH SNaP!
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What did the Donald tell an illegal immigrant who was trying to put out a fire at Trump Tower?

No way Hose A.
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Why don't aliens celebrate Chistmas?

Because they don't want to give away their presence.
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What is a cat's favorite movie?

The sound of Mew-sic
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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What does Donald Trump say when he can't find his Viagra?

"The erection is rigged!"
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