Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Humpty Trumpty wants a great wall.

Humpty Trumpty wants Mexico to pay for it all.
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I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'.

So I went - and I got it.
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How many plastic surgeons does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one, but he'll also want to do something about your nose.
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What's a frog's favorite drink?

Croak-a-cola.
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What's an alligator's favorite drink?

Gator-Ade.
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?

She stole his heart.
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