Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What kind of dog always runs a fever?

A hot dog
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What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?

Decalfinated
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How many bass clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

All of them
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Why was the boy sitting on his watch?

Because he wanted to be on time.
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What kind of cat should you never play games with?

A cheetah
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What do sea monsters eat for lunch?

Fish and ships.
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What happens when spectroscopists are idle?

They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
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