Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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If minorities have the race card and women have the gender card, what do rednecks have?

The Trump Card
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How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?

Squeaky clean
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What do you get if you cross an insect with the Easter rabbit?

Bugs Bunny.
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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

Cut the rope.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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Why shouldn't Donald Trump rag on illegal immigrants?

Because an undocumented worker has been living on his head for the past 2 decades!
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