Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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How many Bell Labs vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?

That's proprietary information. The answer is available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only).
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How did the butcher introduce his wife?

Meet Patty.
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What did the one penny say to the other penny?

We make perfect cents.
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