Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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What did the laywer name his daughter?

Sue.
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Why don't mountains get cold in the winter?

They wear snowcaps.
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Who makes dinosaur clothes?

A dino-sewer.
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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well,

I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.
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Why did the chemist sole and heel his shoes with silicone rubber?

To reduce his carbon footprint.
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