Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the little girl say when she had to choose between a tricycle and a candy bar?

"Trike or Treat"?
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What's the difference between a fish and a piano?

You can't tuna fish.
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What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?

Stick his bill up his ass.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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How do you tell you're kissing a french horn player?

He/She keeps trying to stick their fist up your butt.

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What do bees do with their honey?

They cell it.
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If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice?

H2O cubed.
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