Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What did the alien say to the garden?

Take me to your weeder!
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Why does a stork stand on one leg?

Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one.
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What is a spaceman's favorite chocolate?

A marsbar!
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How do hair stylists speed up their job?

They take short cuts!
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How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.
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What does a cat say when somebody steps on
its tail?

Me-ow
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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