Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How many gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.
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I asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite

He said NaBrO
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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What did the snail say when he got on the turtle's shell?

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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What does a skeleton say before dinner?

Bone appetit!
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What do you get when you cross a duck with a vampire?

Count Quackula!
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