Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What fish only swims at night?

A starfish.
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Why did the cat go to Minnesota?

To get a mini soda
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How do you get a trombonist off of your porch?

Pay him for the pizza

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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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What kind of phones do people in jail use?

Cell phones
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