Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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My phone will ring at 2 in the morning, and my wife'll look at me and go, "Who's that calling at this time?' "I don't know!

If I knew that we wouldn't need the bloody phone!"

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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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Why did a boy thow a clock out the window?

To see time fly.
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Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?

No, but hum a few bars and I'll fake it.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What does cheese say to itself in the mirror?

Halloumi.
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Why was the math book sad?

It had too many problems.
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