Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What is the difference between a clarinet and an onion?

Nobody cries when you chop an clarinet into little pieces

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What`s black & white & red all over?

An embarrased mime!
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Why did the drum take a nap?

It was beat.
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What did the boat say to the pier?

What's up, dock?
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What's a light-year?

The same as a regular year, but with less calories.
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How do you make a goldfish old?

Take away the g
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Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?

He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.
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