Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?

A woolen jumper
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Why didn't the girl take the bus home?

Because her mom would make her take it back.
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I have a friend who is a Limo driver . But he has had no clients for two years.

So he has nothing to chauffeur it !
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?

A mouse on vacation.
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