Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field.
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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I just deleted all the German names off my phone.

It's Hans free.
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The new band called 1023MB.

They haven't had any gigs yet
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I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller",

he said "Not you again".

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What do you call a man with a rubber toe?

Roberto.
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How do you know Donald Trump is talking to you?

Cause your the only one Hair.
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