Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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Why did the cow go in the spaceship?

It wanted to see the mooooooon!
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How does the ocean say hello?

It waves.
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How Many lead guitarist does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They just steal somebody else's light.
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Sherlock, what are you doing with that 200lbs shrub?

It's not a shrub, it's a lemon tree my dear Watson.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.
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What is on the ground and also a hundred feet in the air?

A centipede on its back!
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What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?

A tyrannosauraus wreck
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