Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah;

I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one".

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What do you get when you cross a witch with sand?

A sandwich!
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What element is a girl's future best friend?

Carbon.
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How many grips does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two: One to hold it, one to hammer it in.
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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9.
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What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?

One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter.
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What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-Jeans.
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