Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

Take the words out of his mouth
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Where do you put barking dogs?

In a barking lot.
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Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?

It needed to be trimmed.
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What do you do when your chair breaks?

Call a chairman.
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What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?

Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

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What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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What do planets like to read?

Comet books!
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