Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

All of them.
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What emotional disorder does a gas chromatograph suffer from?

Separation anxiety.
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How do you make a rock float?

Put it in a glass with some ice cream and root beer.
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What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

The bucket.
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Red sky at night: shepherd’s delight.

Blue sky at night: day.
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What two things can you not have for breakfast?

Lunch and dinner.
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What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?

A fire cracker
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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