Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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Why did the cucumber call 911?

It was in a pickle!
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Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It doesn't matter, they don't have any electricity any more.
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How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?

The police had to comb the area.
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