Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?

A pair of Re-Bachs.

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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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Why can't a bicycle stand up?

Because it's two tired!
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What do you call a cow that eats your grass?

A lawn moo-er.
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How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?

One, if it knows its own Goedel number.
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I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth.

It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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Earlier this year I saw The Theory of Everything – loved it.

Should've been called Look Who's Hawking, that's my only criticism.
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What do ghosts eat for supper?

Spooketi
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