Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do vampires take when they are sick?

Coffin drops!
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The defendant is accused of putting dynamite into a steer.

Abominable! [A Bomb In a Bull]
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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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What do you get when you cross a stream and a brook?

Wet feet.
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Which day do fish hate?

Fryday
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How many UNIX hacks does it take to change a light bulb?

As many as you want; they're all virtual anyway.
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What country makes you shiver?

Chile.
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How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Depends on what you want to change it into.
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