Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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I'm on a whiskey diet.

I've lost three days already.

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How do crows stick together in a flock?

Velcrow.
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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.
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What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 100?
Your Honor.
What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50

Senator.
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What type of cars do elves drive?

Toy-otas.
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Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

Luckily my injuries were only super fish oil
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What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music?

A natural major.
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What do you call a crate of ducks?

A box of quackers.
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