Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

To get to the other side.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.
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They stopped a vulture from bringing his rotting carcasses on the plane

but he said "You said I could have two carry on items!"
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How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb?

Three:

One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and

one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.
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What do cats and dogs call Santa Clause?

Santa paws!!!
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What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a red car?
A red carnation.
What do you call a country where everyone has to drive a pink car?
A pink car-nation.
What would the country be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?

An in-car-nation.
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How many 2nd AD's does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Uh...standby, I'll check on that.
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