Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!

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Why do you think Civil Disobedience was such a fantastic essay?

Thoreau editing Thorough.
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What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Ant-elopes!

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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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Why did the little bird get in trouble at school?

He got caught peeping on a test.

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How many punk rockers does it take to change a light bulb?

Twenty. One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen on the guest list.

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What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

He was booked for a salt and battery.
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Why did the turtle cross the road?

To get to the shell station.

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How many tenors does it take to change a light bulb?

Four. One to change the bulb and three to whine "It's too high"

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