Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why is Superman's costume so tight?

Because he wears a size "S".
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How many folk musicians does it take to change a light bulb?

Seven. One to change it and the other six to sing about how good the old one was.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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What do you call a dinosaur that smashes everything in its path?

Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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What did the Mass Spectrometer say to the Gas Chromatograph?

Breaking up is hard to do.
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How many Union Lighting Technicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

It's not a bulb, it's a globe.
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