Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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If H20 is water, what is H204?

Drinking, bathing, washing, swimming, etc.
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What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?

An udder failure.
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Why do cows wear bells?

Because their horns don't work.

There were two cows in a field. The first cow said "moo" and the second cow said "baaaa." The first cow asked the second cow, "why did you say baaaa?" The second cow said, "I'm learning a foreign language."
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How do you make an egg laugh?

Tell it a yolk.
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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Why did they kick cinderella off the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.
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What's the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a lawyer on a motorcycle?

The vacuum cleaner has the dirt bag on the inside.
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What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?

Use a pen.
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