Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air?

A dead centipede.
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Two chemists go into a restaurant.
The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O."

The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" -- and he died.
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What cell phones do travelling nuns use?

Virgin mobile.
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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Where do orcas hear music?

Orca-stras
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How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None 'o yo' fuckin' business!
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What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a 4-leaf clover?

A rash of good luck.
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Where do mice park their boats?

At the hickory dickory dock.
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