Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?

Put him in the front seat.
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What do you call a tooth in a glass of water?

One molar solution.
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What's the name of the archeologist that works at Scotland Yard?

Sherlock Bones.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:

"Pint please, and one for the road."

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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How many Stuntmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Five. One to screw it in and four to tell him how bitchin' he looked doing it.
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