Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Where do sheep get their hair cut?

At the baa-baa shop.
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How many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Ten. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.
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How many "pro-lifers" does it take to change a light bulb?

Six: two to screw in the bulb and four to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.
None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.
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Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

Fo Drizzle!

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Why do some people have an instant aversion to banjo players?

It saves time in the long run.

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There's two fish in a tank, and one says "How do you drive this thing?"
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How do you make Holy water?

Take regular water and just boil the hell out of it.
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What do clarinetists use for birth control?

Their personalities.

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