Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What do you call a guy who's born in Columbus, grows up in Cleveland, and then dies in Cincinnati?

Dead.
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Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?

Take your foot off his head.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride?

Holly Davidson.
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Why did the boy take a ladder to school?

He wanted to go to high school!
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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What do you do with a dead chemist?

Barium
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What did the peanut say to the walnut?

Nothing. Nuts can't talk.
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