Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What's gray, eats fish, and lives in Washington, D.C.?

The Presidential Seal.
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How many Holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None: they just deny that the bulb ever went out in the first place.
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I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date

but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.

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I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport.

I’m just doing it for kicks.
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How did the egg cross the road?

It scrambled across!
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Went to the corner shop -

bought 4 corners.

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Why did the cow cross the road?

Because the chicken was on vacation.
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I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?'

So he gave me a kite.

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