Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite.
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A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
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How many editors of Poor Richard's Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?

"Many hands make light work."
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When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

When you're a mouse.
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How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?

About one third less than for a regular bulb.
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Where does the snowman hide his money?

In the snow bank.
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How do locomotives hear?

Through the engineers.
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