Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow.

I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?".
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I wouldn't buy anything with velcro.

It's a total rip-off.
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Why do cows go to New York?

To see the moosicals
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Why does the Donald sleep with a potato in his briefs?

Because he want to wake up some day as America's First Dictator.
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Why did the elephant leave the circus?

He was tired of working for peanuts.
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What did one magnet say to the other?

I find you very attractive.
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Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?

On the bottom.
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A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.

The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
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