Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?

With flood lighting.
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I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags,

he's bisatchel.

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How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

``Oh wow, is it like dark, man?''
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You Poke her face.

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Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have any guts!
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Why did the sea monster eat five ships that were carrying potatoes?

No one can eat just one potato ship.
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What do you use to tie saplings to a piano so the saplings won't blow away?

Root position cords.

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A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal.

Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

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