Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Some lettuce, an egg, and a faucet had a race. What was the result?

The lettuce came in ahead, the egg got beat and the faucet is still running.
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What do you get from a cow at the North Pole?

Ice cream.
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What's the difference between Donald Trump and Ronald Reagan?

If Trump gets Alzheimers his IQ will go up.
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Now that Macy's has severed ties, with Donald Trump, how can the average American look like the President?

By hunting and killing their own hair piece.
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What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms?

A ferrous wheel.
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What has a bed that you can't sleep in?

A river.
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What kind of cars do cats drive?

Catillacs
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Jesus fed 5000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread.

That's not a miracle. That's tapas.
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