Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What's in the middle of nowhere?

The letter H.
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What is the opposite of a restaurant?

A workaraunt.
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What is Donald Trumps favorite song?

ICE ICE Baby......
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How many Italians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dunno exactly, but my brother's girlfriend's father's boss's secretary's sister's next-door neighbors' priest's cousin's union shop steward's uncle's Knights Of Columbus club Sergeant-of-Arms's nephew's best friend did it real cheap for me once.
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What do you call a young army?

Infantry.
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A small piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner. "Oh Bunsen, my flame," the sodium pined. "I melt whenever I see you,"

The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through."
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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How does a dog stop a video?

He presses the paws button.
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