Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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What kind of eggs does a wicked chicken lay?

Deviled eggs.
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How do you catch a tame bird?

The tame way, unique up on it!
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Where does a ten ton elephant sit?

Anywhere it wants to
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What do you call snake with no clothes on?

Snaked.
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Why did the opera singer go sailing?

Because she wanted to hit the high C's.
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What's black and white and red all over?

A blushing zebra.
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What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?

Hope it's Halloween!!
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I swear, the other day I bought a packet of peanuts, and on the packet it said "may contain nuts." Well, YES! That's what I bought the buggers for!

You'd be annoyed if you opened it and a socket set fell out!"

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