Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two — one to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.
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What did the calculator say to the math student?

You can count on me!
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So I went to the Chinese restaurant and this duck came up to me with a red rose and says "Your eyes sparkle like diamonds".

I said, "Waiter, I asked for a-ROMATIC duck".
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What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer
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What did the baby corn ask the mother corn?

Where is pop corn?
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What do Santa's elves drink?

Minnesoda.
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What do whales eat?

Fish and ships.
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Why can't lawyers do NMR?

Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
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