Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!

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How does an attorney sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
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How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb?

None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it.

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A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself.

The blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

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What is Claustrophobia?

The fear of Santa Claus.
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Why did the boy take a ruler to bed?

To see how long he slept.
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H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking.
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What is a boxer's favorite drink?

Punch.
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What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?

A dino-sore

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