Why do ducks fly south?

Because it's too far to walk!
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Why is a skeleton so mean?

He doesn't have a heart.
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Why did the gardener plant his money?

He wanted his soil to be rich!
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How is a dog like a telephone?

It has a collar I.D.
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What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.

A cow on a skateboard.
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What do Michael Jackson and Malt Whiskey have in common?

They both come in tots.
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What's the difference between a piano and a tuna?

You can tuna piano, but you can't piano a tuna

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How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, 50 to establish the state production quota, 200 militia to force the factory unions to allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an "800" number to order an American light bulb.
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Why don't bears wear shoes?

What's the use, they'd still have bear feet
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